I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
