Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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