I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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