i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
