She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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