it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
