i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
