Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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