i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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