this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
