Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
