Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
