Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
