I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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