R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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