The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
