I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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