Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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