and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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