She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
