If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Drake has all the answers
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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