FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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