oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
