totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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