I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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