Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
