ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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