I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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