you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
