its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I cannot find my penis.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
