4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it was like eating out sand paper
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
