the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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