She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
