I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
