Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
