then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
