it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
