Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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