you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can't turn off my feet"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
