The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
