she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What a dumb baby whore.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
