I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
