Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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