he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
