YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
