weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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