We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
