I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
