i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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