At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
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CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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