btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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