If i come over, it means nothing
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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