I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
