I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Randomize
