dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize